Because He Said So

Is it okay to ask? This is a question I’ve heard answered differently by various couples. Some say yes, some say no, and they have their respective reasons why. This has always been a bit of a grey area with J Man. I’m not likely to ask often, and I’m far too proud to beg, even if I’m feeling the itch. But it isn’t something that is or is not allowed, strictly speaking. I don’t think he really has a rule about it, because even if I do ask, he can always just tell me no. Some may see asking as topping from the bottom. I disagree though. Because if you need something isn’t it better to ask for it, and face the problem head on; rather than get frustrated and start acting out because of it? Either way, whether you ask out of genuine need or whether you simply start misbehaving for attention (yeah, guilty), you’re really walking two separate paths toward the same end and sending the same message by the time you’re through. Take off the belt and put me over those knees. Spank this sass o...

I guess I should say hello, then. Hi everyone. For the purposes of this blogging adventure, you can call me Jenna. I’m (nearly) 35 years old (next month!) and live in wherever, USA with my Husband and best friend and my 17 year old Step-Son. Some may see me as your average American housewife, but believe me when I tell you, I am anything but. I tread the road less traveled these days. In fact, I know other women that would see me subjected to electroconvulsion therapy for setting back the modern feminist movement and all it has accomplished about 400 years or so. That’s right. I am a voluntarily submissive woman. I handed my Husband my heart on the day we promised one another forever, but with one caveat. (Which, in all honestly, had always been an existing condition in our relationship). It was one of the things that attracted me to him the most in the first place. He got to be the boss. And I’m okay with that. Usually. That’s where things get complicated. Did I mention that I also ...

So, I did it again. I fucked up. That’s the thing about these old habits, and that’s the thing about me needing J Man’s leadership again. I’m not going to be able to kick them on my own, evidently. I’m hella strong willed and stubborn, but when it comes to SELF-discipline and self-moderation I have absolutely none. Not even a crumb to spare. And I’m usually pretty unapologetic about it. It’s just who I am. My family would say I’m my father’s (thankfully only) daughter and that I’m more like the bastard than even my big brother. I get that a lot. I guess you can say I’ve got some Daddy issues, in more ways than one. My Dad is an abusive, narcissistic prick. J man likes to joke that he didn’t beat me enough (please don’t be triggered anyone, my father was on occasion physically absusive yes, but really most of the damage sustained from my weird childhood is emotional and psychological, and not much else). It’s true though. I’m a fucked up mess. Whether that has anything to do with my up...

So J man picked up on the subtle hints I’ve been dropping and realized that I’m asking him to lead me again, as he once did. I offered my surrender in a gentle way I knew he’d be able to recognize, and he did. It took a few days of him merely observing my behavior more than anything else, and not really saying much about it, but he got the point. This morning, I woke sleepily to his finger tracing the curve of my spine softly, scratching, but gently. I moaned softly and murmured “good morning” with a smile in my voice. It felt good. His other hand grabbed my hip and pulled me close. We’ve been neglecting one another recently; so little moments of reconnection like this have been lovely as we’ve both realized what we’ve been doing and decided to try and fix it. Fix us. It’s been okay! Nice, even! I’ve managed to keep my mouth and temper in check and I’ve tried to show him I can be good after a recent talk about my disrespectful attitude. Hey, I’ve been through a lot lately! But that’s r...

Sometimes, J man will hit me up with one of these. A no nonsense, right in my face, all stern and no play “Do as you are told.” He enunciates very clearly so he’s sure I’ve understood him, and there’s no mistaking his tone or intention. This is his way of saying “STOP”.  Stop talking, stop thinking, quiet your crazy head, and listen to me. I know you don’t WANT to do this, but you NEED to do this, and you know it. This isn’t negotiable because it’s about your health and safety which is paramount to me, so yes..you will do as you are told, and I don’t care if you LIKE it. Ouch. Hearing  this is a jagged pill that goes down sideways and hurts, but every time, like clockwork, something in my brain will click in response to that authoritative tone. Is it a turn on? Not entirely sure why, but hell yes it is. I had no idea I was attracted to dominance until he showed me what dominance looked like. And then there was the revelation. For me, anyways. I like this! Should I? It feels w...